There are said to be 4 types of people: 2 types to avoid, and 2 others to seek out. Moreover, we can all take turns being any one of these 4 types.
The Subtractors
They take away your time, energy, motivation, or attention. They drain you. They are a burden rather than a blessing in your life. They tap into your joy reserves here and there, and in return, they give you nothing except perhaps feelings of shame or guilt. Energetically speaking, they are commonly referred to as energy thieves (or energy vampires). They should, of course, be avoided.
The problem is that, in some cases, it’s not easy to avoid them because you attend the same school or work with them in the same office. In such situations, you must limit interactions with them as much as possible. The most important thing is to identify them early to prevent them from infiltrating your circle of friends or—worse—becoming your partner or spouse! In such cases, you’d be sabotaging yourself, and it would be far more difficult to escape such a relationship.
The Dividers
They sow discord. They are far more harmful than subtractors. They separate you from your friends, make you miss opportunities, and rob you of your power. They could be malicious individuals bent on breaking others for the rest of their lives. An abusive parent or a controlling boss can also take on this role of divider.
Sometimes, they are simply the kind of person who makes you miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity by planting doubt in your heart and mind. They likely envy you in secret, and so they work against you. Remember the etymological origin of the word “devil”: in Latin, diabolus comes from the Greek διάβολος / diábolos, derived from the verb διαβάλλω / diabállô meaning “one who divides,” “who disunites,” or “deceiver, slanderer.” The devil is the devil because he divides people (and religiously speaking, separates them from God).
So beware of anyone who creates situations that distance you from your loved ones, projects that matter to you, or your hopes for a better future. Protect yourself from these killjoys!
The Adders
Now let’s move to something positive: the people you should surround yourself with and those you should aspire to be like.
These individuals literally add something positive to your life. They share good ideas, motivate you, love or respect you. They recommend a book that had a profound impact on them. They might lend you their house so you can enjoy a holiday, or they help when you’re stranded on the road. Simply put, they have a positive attitude and are precious elements in your circle or organization.
The Multipliers
They represent transformative encounters. A multiplier can change your life and take it to the next level. In your lifetime, you may meet only a handful of multipliers.
These people often act as leverage on one or more aspects of your life. While adders add value to certain areas (for example, if you’re into fitness, they might give you advice that helps you gain 3 kilograms of muscle), multipliers elevate you to a new league, often by shifting your paradigms. (Continuing with the fitness analogy, a multiplier might help you double your muscle mass.)
The 4 Types Can Also Be Objects
Think about it carefully: your smartphone can be a subtractor. It monopolizes your attention and might prevent you from sleeping. Similarly, a single book can change your life entirely. Don’t limit this reflection to people alone.
Remove Bad People from Your Life
If you want to be happy and successful, you must rid yourself of dividers and subtractors at all costs. Take the metaphor of investment to better understand this concept: Imagine you have a portfolio of 5 stocks: 4 are adders, and one is a divider. The 4 perform at an average of +20%, but the last one is negative at -80%. Suppose you’ve invested the same amount in each stock, let’s say €100. So you have (4 x 0.2 x €100) – (€100 x 0.8) = 0. Your good investments are completely canceled out by one very bad one.
You must stop the hemorrhage at all costs and rid yourself of the 5th stock. It is dragging you down. Often in life, it is more effective to eliminate negatives than to try increasing the positives.
One Last Thing…
Remember, if you want to surround yourself with positive people, you must become one of them yourself. You must actively work to become someone who fits into one of these positive categories. You can’t expect to surround yourself with good people if you’re not on the same level. It’s the law of reciprocity—you can’t escape it!
